What is Love?

Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Bwam bwam bwam bwam bweh bwam.

God I love that head bob. Anyway, we were writing about something weren’t we?

Lurrrve ❤

The L bomb itself. I have a few thoughts I’d like to share about this weird little lexical item we have here, and what, if anything it is supposed to mean in a sensible world.

Now like most totally normal people, when I think of love, I think of Disney, cheesecake and pain. The love that I’d like to discuss here is exactly the kind of love that we all idealise and aspire to to attain: True Love. N’aww.

True love is a funny notion, and when you think about it, has some batshit crazy baggage attached to it. True love, to offer a lumpy definition of a probably undefinable concept, is when you meet that perfect someone. That relationship which is perfect in every single way, where you are as happy as you could possibly be and it lasts forever. It’s a very bizarre transcendent sort of definition for something that, by and large we all experience at least once in our lifetimes.

And it’s just a little bit silly too. Now, I’m no Russel Brand, I’m not 147 and celebrating my kryptonite anniversary with my life-partner Margerie, but by inexperience plays to my point.

Being a sprog of almost-twenty (cry), I know and see couples my age that have already been together for nearly 5 years. It’s smashing, but it makes me think.

That special somebean.

True love is all about the perfect partner. Isn’t it fantastically fortunate then, how conveniently close we are located to our soul mates? They often go to the same school, university or workplace, live within a few hundred miles. In fact, if you think about it, we’re all bloody lucky we ever meet them at all, seeing as (if you’re straight) they are gonna one in about 3 billion potentials roaming about. I do hope my true love doesn’t live in Malawi. Just a bit awk.

What’s more, the process of finding this someone is fatally flawed due to the way the world works. When seeking something perfect, there’s no way to know that the current Mrs. Rumplestiltskin is the best, without  dumping her and carrying on accosting females until your bones turn to dust. Which wouldn’t be too fulfilling either.

By analogy, just because you’ve only ever seen white swans doesn’t mean every single swan is white. And just because you’re in love doesn’t mean it must be true love.

So in some ways I feel sorry for my companions who have already dedicated themselves so sternly to another. I can’t help but think they haven’t done enough experiments to reach such a monumental conclusion. It’d be like pretending your hand was a laser gun, firing it at a person who coincidentally drops dead of a heart attack and immediately concluding that you have death dealing murder claws at your disposal. Not smart.

However, I’m not an angsty cynic who cries while they masturbate.

Well, not today at least. The problem with disneyfied pop culture carebear love is that it is unrealistic. Like any sane person, I’d like to believe in as many real things as possible, and as few false things, I just think life turns out better that way.

So true love is a bit silly, but doesn’t mean love is dead. It just means that you can play the game a little smarter. Take the time to be in love a few times, test the waters, experiment. Your first love almost certainly won’t be your last, unless you’re either incredibly lucky or an emotionally unstable moron.

Being realistic means you recognise that true love is up to you, not the universe. So stop crying and listening to MCR while you try desperately to get hard over a facebook photo, and chill. You managed it once, you’ll manage to do it again.

Also, being realistic about love makes it that much more special. Instead of some cosmic fuckup that means you stumble across Mr. Right because your 3 year old decided to be sick on his shoes, it means that true love actually requires some effort and commitment from both parties.

Because you could never realistically conclude that your love is ‘true’ then it means that instead, both parties have to make the effort to make their love true. This sounds pretty bent, but hear me out. It means that instead of ‘finding’ that special someone, you’re both deciding to work and give everything to a relationship and somebody else to make it perfect.

And homemade stuff is always best.